I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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