I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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