Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
