I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
