THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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