I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
