Me. At least after what I've been through.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
