don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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