I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
