life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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