i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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