She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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