rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
