White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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