i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
