i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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