Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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