rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So. Much. Porn.
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