he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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