I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
