sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
