Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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