Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
