Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
