his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
