How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
