if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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