Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
