I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
