First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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