There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
