At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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