I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize