the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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