I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
