Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
