you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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