My room smells like vodka and shame
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
