I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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