I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
