I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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