Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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