Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
