Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize