remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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