We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
