I am puke
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
