The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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