she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
