Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
