what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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