new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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