and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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