U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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