So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
