Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
