so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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