dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
