whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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