My liver just broke up with me...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
