Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can text with my tongue
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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