Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
