I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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