It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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