we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
