sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
