the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
