I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
