is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
