I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
