The best revenge is premature balding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And then he peed in my hair
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