you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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