I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
