I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
