Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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