my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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